garage door alarm forum

Lil ms Cherrycakes , Thursday, 5th of August 2010 11:48:52 PM

1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she is struggling. You take it from her hands,

Lil ms Cherrycakes

/>open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. 

Registered User

Jars are men is work.


2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - 

Joined: Friday, 4th of June 2010, 19:38:45

Especially policeman but even saying it to
kids makes you the man. 

Posts: 1136

3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? 

Viewed 1126 times

Gay. A Stuart
Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, 
simultaneously winning the
ball
and crippling the man. Magic. 



4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is 
it? Hand it
here love. No, l do not need a sharpener, you think l can 
not whittle.


5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which 
combines driving, lifting and
- as
you thrillingly drop your 
rubbish into another huge pile of other
rubbish - noisy/>destruction.


6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising 
from the table, slinging your
coat on and downing two thirds of a 
pint in one fluid movement. Then
nodding towards the door, saying, 
''Let is go'' and striding out while
everyone else struggles to catch 
up with you. God, you're hard.


7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF 
WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.


8, HAVING 
A SCAR - Ideally it will be a facial knife wound, but even an
iron 
burn on the wrist is good. ''Ooh, did it hurt''. ''Nah''.

/>9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been/>partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical/>evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. ''Big night?'' 
Grr,
what does it look like.


10, NODDING AT COPPERS 
- A moments eye contact is all it takes for you
to share the unspoken 
bond. ''We've not seen eye to eye in the past
it says, ''but someone 
is got to keep the little scrotes in line''.


11, USING 
POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can
safely 
handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

/>12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-!/>Stitch that becks, l kick so hard l set off car alarms.

/>13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It does not 
mean
you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, 
the rest
of the pub does not know that.


14, NOT 
WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. />Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.


15, CARVING THE 
ROAST - and saying ''are you a leg or breast man'' to
the blokes and 
''do you want stuffing'' to the women. Congratulations,
you are now 
your dad.


16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Does not 
it?


17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have 
little changing
rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you 
look with any DIY
item. Until then, we will make do with the aisles. 



18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for 
paying the
plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia 
don. The
only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later. />

19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, 
we get
straight to the point. ''alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, 
it is
then. Seven. See ya.''


20, PARALLEL PARKING - 
bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher
do that? No, because 
his cars got no reverse gear which, technically,
makes you the worlds 
best driver.


21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn 
of time, men have toiled
in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, 
when it is over we can stand
there in silence, surveying our work 
with one hand resting on the beer
gut while the other nurses a 
foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.


22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY 
WRONG WITH YOU - especially if
you did not make a fuss. ''Why was l 
off, nothing much, just a brain
haemorrhage''.


23, 
KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - ''a Phillips? For that?
Are you 
mad, bint?''


24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a 
visual code that says that's
right, i'm going in there for a huge, 
long man-sized sh*t.


25, CALLING YOUR MATE A C**T - and 
punching him on the shoulder. Just
a man is way of saying ''you're a 
good mate; l missed you while you were
in hospital''.
 
 
 
 
 

Top

King Kong , Friday, 6th of August 2010 09:21:02 AM

I'd feel like a man if I did all those things.  

snookie poo(: , Saturday, 7th of August 2010 09:42:00 PM

Hit the nail on the head, all except carving the joint and  

Shorty , Sunday, 8th of August 2010 06:05:54 PM

what happened to equality  

itoshi , Monday, 9th of August 2010 02:09:14 AM

TAT A NICE PIECE Of PJ DEAr  

Shrek , Tuesday, 10th of August 2010 07:30:14 AM

nice one  

Blondie Locks , Wednesday, 11th of August 2010 12:02:21 AM

lol..yep you got it girl but you forgot my favourite....  

Stud Muffin , Thursday, 12th of August 2010 02:11:36 AM

Lol, very true and sadly true. Except point 2 and 10, not I